I’ve been gambling for many, many years. I go to bars and play video poker. I use it to escape. I’m up to eyeballs in debt and i have stopped in the past for weeks, months and sometimes years. i have not really made a strong effort to stop lately. I just keep trying to tell myself i can control it….. last night i did not. lost a bundle, therefore the need to take yet another loan. My life is otherwise good, i have a great job, wonderful partner and family. I have alot to be grateful for. But…. not gambling. It is my go to. I literally made a conscious decision yesterday to gamble… because “things have been going so well”. Really…. that’s such BS. I told my partner i was going before hand. I only tell her so much though… always leaving out the ugly details. I have definitely lied to many about the details…but all my friends and family are aware that i have this ugly thing in my life….. It’s so embarrassing, frustrating and exhausting. I’m so tired of that part of who I am!! It’s like I can only allow myself to be just so happy…. not completely. It makes no sense really
