Dear diary
I don’t trust myself now, I was not following my thought.
I am following my feeling; my feeling and action is not in line with my thought.
I am acting out my self-will, I was not able to practice self-restraint.
Seeing where I am right now after all the serious effort put into recovery is painful, I feel helpless and sad after what has taken place.
Changes that is taking place is affecting me very badly.
This time of the year could have been a period of celebration for me in recovery, I would have cleared some personal loan that I was servicing and I can continue contributing to my home.
Instead what I get now and felt was disappointment and cheated, I was force to wait for the company to pay me my money. Nothing can be done without the money and everything come to a stand-still.
I could not function normally and multi task, I am back to the survival mode of staying patient and doing first thing first.
It was so bad I woke up today and the first thing I thought was “first thing first.”
