It is really painful to know that I cannot do some thing like over eat, over work, take alcohol, or gamble like a normal person ever after now.
If I ever do them again, slowly the old ways and old problem return. It is sad to see myself turning impulsive, impatience and compulsive. I can see myself gradually losing self control; doing things unnecessarily and uncontrollably.
The many episodes i had at work, dieting, drinking and gambling show that the disease of addiction affect all areas of my life. I was in denial for many years thinking that it only affect some area of my life, that is sad.
I was thinking about the thorn in the flesh that I read in 2 Corinthian 12:7-9
Apostle Paul asked the Lord to take it away 3 times but God refuse and say “no”. Despite God refusal to heal him, Paul rejoice in the name of the Lord.
I still feel very disappointed with myself, very sad that I took 30 years to find this out about myself.