I can relate to your comment about feeling like a 5 year old when asking my wife to control all of my finances. It was a pride thing with me. I took a lot of pride in managing finances for my family for most of my adult life. It also proved to me how not in control I really was. For a long time I couldn’t bring myself to understand that I needed to turn it all over to my wife, and that it was the only way I was going to get through the first few months, maybe first few years. So I kept control, and I relapsed. And relapsed again, and again….. Then I finally realized how powerful CG is. I did turn it all over to her (finally), after being stubborn for a long time. Being stubborn lost me a lot of $$, and a lot of peace, sleep, happiness.
After I took that step, I felt a lot better. It showed my wife that I needed her help. It gave me the confidence to go about my business knowing that a detour to the casino was not possible, so I was able to put it out of my mind.
After a few months, I got my credit cards back. It was fine for a few more months, then unfortunately it wasn’t fine, and I relapsed. A huge slice of humble pie for me. No more credit cards for me, again. Not sure if I will be able to have them again, but I can’t mope or worry about that. It’s just too big of a risk, and my wife is more than happy to manage finances and give me the credit card if I truly need it for a specific purpose, then it goes right back to her.
I used to think it was a personal problem and I had to fix it by myself. Now I realize that I need help from others, and I gladly accept it. I realize now that I am not like I was before I gambled and I will never be. It took a long time to realize that, but now that I do, life is better. Relying on my partner shows her that I love her, and that I trust her, and that I appreciate her help. It has actually strengthened our relationship a lot.
For these reasons, I believe that for CG’s it is 100% essential and mandatory to fill your partner in on the “dirty little secret” and figure out a plan with her/him, and work the plan together in order to have the greatest chance of success.