So last night I got home work and completely flipped out! The smallest things are tipping me over the edge! I’m so tired of clearing up mess (actual and metaphorical) – I work long hours in a mentally stressful job and just started to feel like life would be so much simpler if it were just me & my daughter! imagine – a life without debt and addiction, coming home to a clean and orderly home, having to look after just me & my girl, no lies or deceit – it sounds great!
I am lucky enough to have a decent enough job that would allow me to stand alone so that isn’t the barrier to a simple life dream. It’s love, worry for him, love and concern for my stepson etc etc!
There’s just more and more crap adding to my ever growing list of stuff to deal with and I feel like I’m so close to breaking point! The stuff that doesn’t normally stress me (e.g keeping on top of household chores) is literally bringing me to my knees and triggering huge meltdowns! In the meantime my CG is carrying on as normal, not really taking responsibility but relying on me to come up with the plans, sort family finances, childcare, household chores, support him in recovery and try and keep myself sane!
Sorry for the long rant – just feeling like I’ve pulled the short straw. I’m trying to get my head straight and decide what I want for me and my daughter which is hard going on very little sleep & high anxiety!