Dear dairy,
I am watching myself very closely daily now. I had to work harder if I do not want to lose the peace, calm, and freedom that has return. I have been feeling insecure lately due to changes that I cannot control.
My tolerant level has weakened after my life has improves. I am finding it difficult to adapt to more hardship, stress and pain.
German psychoanalyst Eric Fromm said,
“The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.”
Every likable person has admitted to periods of sheer insecurity. They looked at themselves from the perspective of someone else
— perhaps a person with no appreciation of their talents, personality traits, abilities
—and judged themselves unfairly according to other’s view.
So here are some reminders to myself when I am feeling insecure.
1. Insecurity — Vulnerability of spirit — is essentially humility —opening my heart, living the truth
My Character defects – Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, shame, self-loathing and perfectionism.
2. No one can see my insecurity. They are too worried about their own insecurity to notice my insecurity.
3. Work Step 4 of the 12 steps recovery program
Step 4: We make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
The fourth steps give us the mean to begin finding out who we are, the information we’ll need to begin to like ourselves and receive comfort, happiness, serenity.
My therapist asked me to make a list of ten of my best qualities and she also told me to ask my friends.
The fourth step is a method for learning about ourselves.
It is as much about finding our character assets as it is about identifying the exact nature of our wrongs. The inventory process is also an avenue to freedom.
4. Avoid people you feel insecure around.
It sounds like common sense, but it does require some work to rearrange my schedule.
The truth is that this job, this support group does not make me happy. I have a better chance of getting happy in another job and another group.
I have to protect me and my recovery when the harmful people do not care about my well-being. That should be my first priority. Why torture and inconvenient myself unecessary?
5. Surround yourself with supportive people.
There are only a few people in my life who understand me.
When I’m insecure, I will talk to them on the phone.
Those trusted few are the voices of truth and we need as many voices of truth as we can get.
“We’re going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us,”
writes Beth Moore (“So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend To Us.”)
6. I have a choice. Say yes to adventures.
7. When I am insecure, when I think that I am not good enough and do not have enough, I will not feel good, I will do stupid stuff and chase external validation and external object to prove that I am good enough.
When I was not perfect in my work, I will work harder and longer in my work than everyone, I will prove to others that I was good and knew more in some area to cover for my handicap in other areas. I made myself stick out like a nail and then I will get hammered (haha) by others.
The most stupidest thing I did was to abuse substances and behaviors to fix my bad feeling to feel good. These are all self-destructive behaviors.