Thanks for highlighting the comments made in the previous post, I -did- it. Maybe I’m being oversensitive, but Christmas is a time when most families get together and we try to accept each other as we are. As a CG, Christmas was often a time when I over reacted i.e. an argument would flare up and I would escape to the casino, not because I provoked that argument (I often did that at other times, I do admit) but because it suited others to see me as a scapegoat for their own defects and I would over react , feeling dejected after all the effort I had made to ensure Christmas would be normal/happy/delightful for everyone and my perception (rightly or wrongly) would be that all my attempt was being slapped back in my face by one family member in particular, who has their own “issues” and who saw the opportunity to project those issues on to others. Because of my “previous history” I would be scapegoated and let down by other family members and as a result would end up in the casino. ( Yes, we CG mothers do put up a super human effort to make Christmas good for everyone!)
This year things were different because that family member did a “no show” , so maybe this proves that the CG is NOT after all, the cause of every ones’ problems. Maybe wider issues also play a part. It gives non CGS a great excuse when there is a “sitting duck” present who will pick up the flack for everyone else. No, this is not a “poor me” post. I don’t blame anyone for my gambling , nor do I project my “issues” on to others, but I’m aware now that I was that “sitting duck ” for years. This Christmas the focus shifted and I made no exit to the casino.
I use this personal example to highlight that it is not only the CG who is the baddie and the cause of all the family discord which erupts in families over Christmas. Every one has his/her own defects. If we were all as perfect and as innocent as non CGs are painted in the aforementioned post, God need never have sent Hs Only Son to redeem us, but not all believe that He did. Some see GT or GA as the Higher Power but in my experience that type of power in the wrong hands can do more harm than a million CGs in action.
Recovery, in my book is all about Awareness, Surrender, Acceptance, Honesty, Humility, not about collusion, rejection, blame , projection and cover ups.
CGS and Non CGS alike have a part to play in each others recovery. I do notice that this thread has invited comments from non CGS so if I’m intruding, feel free to rap my knuckles!
As A CG I have suffered my share of self deprecation, self crucifixion and self blame.
Nobody made me gamble.
Nobody had the power to stop me. It is only my God’s Grace and my co operation with His Grace, through human contact and understanding that I have been “clean” for all of 2016.
The last thing a CG needs is to feel rejected, ostracized or isolated.We have done that to ourselves over and over so this Christmas I refuse to pick up tabs that other people lay at my feet.
In a recent Link I received, the author/speaker highlights the emptiness that exists in “addicts” and suggests a whole new approach to sobriety. He says that the answer could lie in emotional re connection and cites the Portuguese model, since most have been at some point in our lives rejected , neglected or abused at a deep emotional level and the on going need to escape from this emptiness exists in every sufferer, not just in those whose suffering is manifested in obvious acting out behaviour i. e drugs, alcohol and gambling. It is a not so new but interesting slant.
We are all damaged in some way. The way we deal with issues, our own and others, is very often a reflection of how we are treated by loved ones. The last thing a CG needs is further rejection or blame.
Perhaps Christmas could be a good time to examine our actions and reactions and make an effort to find ways to fill the emptiness that exists in us all . CGs and on CGs alike.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ONE AND ALL!