today i gambled, no i didnt want to but i did anyway. tonight i thought i was going to lose a bet so i bet a second bet to cover my losses, the first one won but the second one lost and because of that im now a little behind, i know i will gamble tomorrow, i have already picked out my teams.
losing those 14 days meant more than i could imagine.
i feel consumed, overpowered, helpless and out of control
if i truly believed in re-incarnation i would absolutely hit the reset button right now and hope i can come back as a worthwhile human being that has something to offer the universe, but i am a gambler right? that means i believe in 50/50 right? so why dont i take a gamble with my life?…….i need to think about this one, i feel like i am consumed with something that i dont want…..i don’t know what to do right now, i dont want to be a gambler, i dont want to live as someone who is consumed, i want to be normal, i dont know how this journal will end right now but i know i tried, for a small amount of time, i tried…..
