Dear Sweet
I am so sorry that you are feeling and have been given cause to feel, so vulnerable. Sadly, it is common for those who love compulsive gamblers not to find good support in their family. In trying to force you to give up the man you love, I suspect that your father is probably trying to do what he believes is right for you but you are being pulled in two different directions and that does not help you one iota.
Many F&F become so immersed in the addiction of their loved one that they lose sight of what will make them happy forgetting just how important they are. You are important Sweet and you deserve to be happy but at the moment your fiancé’s addiction and your father’s reaction to it, are the reasons you are having so much suffering. In my opinion, you need time to breath without pressure from anybody. Do you have a friend or sibling that you can trust, someone who will not put pressure on you, someone you can talk to about things that make you happy, someone with whom you can share a hobby or interest? Do you have a church or other place of faith where you can go for peace and understanding? Do you have a Gam-Anon group meeting near you?
I am sorry to say that although a compulsive gambler can learn to control his addiction and live a wonderful life, there is no cure and your fiancé is not right to suggest that there is. What leads you to believe that the last time he gambled was a month ago?
I am concerned for you Sweet and I hope you will keep posting. I have not been visible in the forums this past few weeks because I have broken my hip but your post spoke to me very clearly and I felt the need to reply to you. I have found that, in replying to you tonight, I have forgotten the pain in my hip because my mind is not on me which is what should happen when we talk and share with friends.
I can hear your struggle and I can imagine your pain, but in my opinion, it would be good for you to take time just for you. Maybe you could ask your fiancé to try and understand the way ‘you’ feel and that you need peace from being asked to share his gambling problem and hearing about his lack of money. Maybe you could let me know what he says. The addiction to gamble is a selfish addiction and because you are unselfish you are being hurt.
Sometimes when we are being pulled in different directions Sweet, the only way not to be hurt is not to join in with either side but to stand our ground and look after ourselves. Look after ‘you’ because in doing so, you will be doing what is right for you, your family and your fiancé.
Keep posting and speak soon
Velvet
