Dear Jenny
Your ex is certainly putting you through the wringer and I am not surprised you are angry and hurt.
In my experience a lot of what you are putting down to being a CG could equally apply to many embittered people when a relationship breaks down but of course, your ex has a terrible addiction thrown into the mix which is making it very much worse. The expression ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ can equally apply to men. You have rightly scorned his addiction and called his bluff for the sake of your children and yourself. You have refused his addiction and rather than taking responsibility for his actions he is trying to lay the blame for his life being out of control at your feet – however cowardly and selfish this is, it is sadly not uncommon.
I believe that behaviour such as your ex is displaying will be seen, for what it is, by more people than you realise. The people who work with him may feel they have to listen to him to maintain a working relationship and some may even think they have a right to interfere on his behalf because there will always be those, Jenny, who don’t want to see truth for reasons of their own. These people do not know your husband in the way that you do but it is quite possible that their eyes will be opened in the future. I think it is best to tell the truth gently and openly with those who matter – and the people he works with do not come in that category.
I’m not convinced that you were conned; I believe that people can change for the worse just as they can change for the better.
What you do is of course up to you. I think that keeping a journal of events is the best way forward so that in the future, if/when your children ask ‘why’ you can tell them as it was and likewise if you seek legal redress you will have the information at your fingertips.
You ‘know’ you haven’t done the things he is saying so don’t let his words bring you down. I know that is easier for me to say than for you to do but one day, hopefully soon, this will all be behind you.
Is there a reason why you are afraid to seek closure legally when you don’t believe that he is genuinely interested in the children? I would never suggest that anybody leaves or stays within a damaging relationship but sometimes legal closure is the only way.
Velvet
