It’s the time of truth. I an sitting in my living room at 8 a.m. and it is my day off. This is where I know I am at my most vulnerable. I have time. I want to relax and forget. It’s dark and a bit gloomy right now, raining and breezy. My favorite weather. For some reason it reminds me of the Texas coast. I love the weather there. It’s similar to ours here but nice all year. I feel sad when I remember because the thought of not being able to travel anymore because of the strain on my finances makes me very sick to my stomach. I have lost so much- not just money, but faith in myself. I often forget that I am strong, I often neglect to remember the many years that I never even bought a lottery ticket. I only started this downward spiral 4 years ago. Surely I can recover some of what was my reality before then? How to I get back to before the madness started? Do I need to find out why? With covid still among us and a second wave imminent, there will be no one on one sessions. I must wait to uncover my deep dark truths. I am strong. I will try harder. I will dream of walking on the beach again. I will dream of vacations and getaways and times when my struggles will not be against the potential for three bonus symbols on a line. Hope that you all find strength to fight the outcome.
