Day 2
As I read all the various posts from those of you on this forum, I can’t help but empathize.
Many of my friends and family can’t understand my desire to put myself in harm’s way with my addictive and risky behaviors, and while it’s easy for them to think that it’s simply a decision I can make (especially after three decades of training myself into believing the value that my addictions provide), it’s obviously not that simple.
Casinos and credit card companies – although made up of humans like us, they have one objective…make money.
I get it – it’s easy for some people to choose not to throw their money away at Casinos or to take out more credit than they can afford. Gambling is not their thing. Similarly, when my buddies were full-blown coke addicts, I didn’t join them since it wasn’t my thing (I preferred marijuana). It would appear we are all just humans with our various preferences and issues.
For me, I believe my preferences/issues are a combination of nature and nurture. All my life, especially as a young kid, teachers and adults would label me as a kid who lacked self control. Yet, each time I was given this label on a report card, there was no suggestion as to what I should do to fix it. Great, so they can call me out for what is inherent in my DNA, but what value does the label serve if there’s no way they can help fix it?
I asked my Mom recently if she thought I had ADHD or OCD when I was a kid, and because it’s been so long (and since I was one of four kids and life has evolved significantly since then), she couldn’t quite remember. She did acknowledge that it was definitely possible, yet she was sure that I have figured out a way to manage it.
Perception is reality for her, but for me, this is where recreational drugs, alcohol, and gambling came into play. Of course, a doctor could’ve prescribed something that may or may not have worked so instead, I became my own doctor.
Of course, social media has ruined people like us. It’s so easy for us to now see how “amazing” other peoples lives are by simply clicking on the pictures they post to promote just how amazing their lives are. But really, is anyone truly happy? And do I need to let their “happiness” make me feel less so about myself? Hell no.
These past few days, I’ve been torturing myself by thinking about the many things I could’ve done with the $5k I gambled over the weekend. It’s even more sickening to think about the amount I’ve gambled throughout my life, let alone the amount I’ve spent on drugs/alcohol/women as well.
However, I also know some people who waste money in other ways. I know a few women that got a college diploma (and even a Masters degree) just to be stay at home moms. I’m also friends with guys who put all their money in savings/401ks for a future life in retirement even though their lifestyles have rendered them so unhealthy that living to that age is a gamble in and of itself.
My point – it doesn’t matter who you are or the things you do. We all have something.
The good thing is that I’m re-reading “The Easy Way to Stop Gambling”. The point the book makes is that it’s easy to quit something you don’t desire. As such, the primary question I’m asking myself (that I’m hoping you all are asking yourselves) is….what has gambling ever done for me? What is truly so desirable about it?
ABSOLULTEY NOTHING.
Pardon the pun, but I’d bet that each if you would agree with my assessment.
Ultimately, life is hard. However, there is no reason why I should choose to make it any harder by imposing negativity on myself any longer.
Please join me in labeling gambling as the worst thing on earth and removing the desire to willingly participate in the worst thing on earth ever again.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.