I managed to gather my first £1000 and transfer it to my savings account today. Only another £17,000 to go… But still, it’s a start. I’ve still not barred myself from Betfred. It almost feels like I’m testing myself. To see if I can have it and not use it. Sounds silly, but I know I’ll bar myself eventually.
Still feel sick and empty inside. Been thinking a lot about the last couple of months. I won the £500 jackpot at work a few weeks ago. I came away with about £330 after what I put in. Two days late I was bored, put a five pound note in and won another £200. You’d think I’d be happy with that? Didn’t even blink. That’s when you know it’s a problem I guess. I suppose when you’ve got to the point where your winning one, two, three grand in one spin online, nothing else really comes close. In case your wondering, none of those amounts raised an eyebrow either. The numbness I’ve felt for gambling lately hasn’t been healty. I used to play because I enjoyed the thrill of winning. That thrill died a long time ago. It had almost become a second job I needed to go to every day. It’s still my secret. Maybe when I can safely say I’ve done 50 days. Or ive saved £5,000 I can then share it with people. As it stands at the moment, I’ve done nothing to deserve anyone’s help or understanding. I need to prove to myself I can do it first…
Day three… Going ok…
