Day 23 over -urges still there but I haven’t gambled.
I am realising just how much the gambling fantasy has helped me to escape dealing with life .
When little things go wrong , when I feel overwhelmed , when I feel belittled – my immediate thoughts are of this huge win which will instantly stop all this discomfort in my life .
That’s perhaps why judgmental posts were so detrimental to my recovery – this site is my main support – whether it is intended to be or not. I don’t mean posts which talk about barriers and the negative outcomes of gambling- I mean posts which judge me and my many shortcomings in various areas of my life which I was brave/ stupid enough to post about .
I guess gambling has helped me to escape dealing with stuff and now without that escape I have no choice but face up to it.
So the urges continue but strangely the determination not to gamble grows stronger too . I am starting to see the good life which lies in front of me. I am getting head space to think about what I really want.
I am doing ok .