Day 12,
I’m doing okay today. I haven’t had urges to gamble in a casino or online, but I have been thinking about the lottery more. I play the lottery pretty much everyday (small amounts), and I do not really have a desire to play more. The problem is that I may be experiencing what we call “brain fog”, some might call it depression. I’m not sad, but I’m just trying to think of things to do now that I don’t gamble. I don’t miss it, but gambling was extremely exciting, and I hope I can find something I’m passionate about. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my career, and really want to start a company someday. However, nothing seems appealing to me right now. I suppose this may be the hardest part about recovery, filling the hole that addiction left. I still play video games, but I want something that I am passionate about in a career (this has always been a struggle for me). I have a great job right now as a software developer, but something doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel happy doing my current line of work, even though it is helping people (I work with scientists doing Oncology work (study of cancer)). I’ve just always wanted to start my own company, but there is nothing that I am extremely passionate about. Oh well, as a wise man once said, it isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey. I guess I am just going to keep reading and expanding my knowledge until an opportunity comes my way.
Even though I play the lottery, I still consider this gamble free for me because it has never been a problem. I don’t do much in the form of entertainment, and I consider this my entertainment. I know the odds, but it’s still fun for me. Hope everyone is having a gamble free day.
–Nick