the title says it all, today was a little different though, i argued and reasoned with myself, i walked up to the cashpoint and walked away, i had more conversations with myself and yes i did give in but i only put a small amount on and i have won enough to put petrol in my car until next pay day, i am not bragging about winning, far from it, i will collect my winnings tomorrow and i wont place another bet, this is something i never do, firstly i never collect on a small amount (but this money has become “real” money and i need it) i always re-bet until i have a decent amount and secondly i never collect without putting on another bet, i have £40.50p to pick up and that’s what i will leave with. i felt ok today, i put a bet on and as soon as i thought i wasn’t going to win my mood took a severe dive, i could feel the waves of anguish and frustration engulfing me, when the game turned around, my emotions lifted and i could go on with my day, i feel like a robot, i have no control over what to feel and when as it all depends on results not on how my life is. also i have noticed that when i gamble i instantly eat rubbish, as if i am not worthy of treating my body with the goodness that i usually pay attention to, when i am in the thick of my gambling, i will eat high carbs, quick sugar fixes, drink coffee and if i am losing i will have a few beers to numb it. this may sound weird but to me there is a clear connection to how i treat myself based on how my results are on games. tomorrow is my day 1 again, tomorrow i will succeed, having somebody come here and leave comments instantly made me feel something, i wished i hadn’t placed that bet as i wanted to feed something positive back, but i said i would always be honest, the power of connecting with other gamblers is in my opinion the key to success, we have to make peace with what we have lost, let it go and start a new chapter in our lives. thank you for being here
