I placed a bet yesterday. Not proud of myself. Start fresh again today. I toyed with the idea of lying about it on my thread, but that just keeps me in denial. I had went nearly a full week without gambling and to be honest its not good enough.
So as of today 23 November 2016 i am going to start setting weekly goals for myself to achieve gamble free weeks. The hard part is dealing with the debt on my credit card, it feels like i am continuously paying for my issues and i wont be free until they are gone. The reality is that gambling isnt going to sort it, only make it worse.
I have read stories recently of people with gambling addictions who have sold cars or taken out loans of tens of thousands to fuel the addiction. I feel quite lucky to never have had that mindset.
I feel mostly ashamed of myself for betraying my Fiance, while i have little or no regard for my own well-being, i dont want her to have to carry my burdens. We have been together a long time, i know at this stage if i go back to her for help, initially she will be so angry with me and then she will worry herself stupid. I cant do that to her again. The new plan involves clearing my debts and then maybe i can talk to her. It comes back to me being able to trust myself as much as anything.