Brendan, When you are with your wife’s friend and husband, maybe you want to consider bringing up the topic first? Don’t give them the chance to judge you or make assumptions about what caused you to gamble. Tell them how grateful you are knowing that your wife has someone she can trust and talk to while going through this challenging time. Tell them that it means a lot to you that they can be there for her while you are seeking your own support to help you overcome your addiction. If you lay it out on the table first and admit you made some mistakes in the past, it will make it very difficult for them to be critical of you. (Easier said than done. I know how difficult it must be for you to talk about it, let alone be the one to bring it up in conversation)
And if I can offer one piece of advice regarding your counseling sessions…. as a spouse of a compulsive gambler, I can’t tell you the relief I felt when my husband went to his first session. It really showed me how serious he was about turning his life around. After his first few sessions, he came to me and asked if I would be willing to attend his next session with him. I’m still not sure if it was his idea or his counselors, but the fact that he recognized I was hurting too and he wanted to include me on his path to recovery meant more to me than anything. I’m not sure if this is something your wife would be interested in. Just keep it in mind while you go through your counseling.