The more time I spend on this site, the more I realise I am a compulsive gambler. I knew this, but didn’t accept it. How could I be? Why me? But I guess, looking more closely at myself, it makes sense. I was playing not to win money but because I was unhappy with my life. I was unhappy with myself. It is time to take a good look at my life and figure out what makes me happy, and why. And what makes me unhappy. I guess this is something that all CGs go through, but we have to go through it on our own. It is no good just to hear someone else’s story It is something we must experience for ourselves.
For me, I know now I am unhappy. I thought playing poker made me happy, but it doesn’t. It makes me more unhappy, because it means I am lying, cheating, stealing. It doesn’t matter if I was a good or bad player. The point is I cannot play because it gets in the way of everything else.
I am not expecting anyone to read this, but if you do, great. I am doing this so I can get the thoughts out of my brain and onto paper, as it were, so I can re read them for myself. But somewhere public, so I am not hiding any more.
I am a compulsive gambler who, after 3 years, wants to stop. And stop I will. Looking at the balance sheet, there is no benefit in playing any more. There are other things in life infinitely more interesting, such as the growth of my son which I am missing out on. The earning of real money, real value. The development of myself as a person, to grow up and become an adult, have some fun in life. To stop this moping about and woe is me shit. ENough. It is boring for myself and everyone around me. Time to take responsability for my actions. I am my own man, and I accept I am a compulsive gambler and if I do not stop now, I will end up with nothing.