I would like to applaud you, Roisin on the above post.
As a CG, I can tell you that you are doing everything a gambler needs to have done, to delay or even prevent further gambling.
A CG has to pick up his on tab and will gladly neglect to do so, for as long as somebody else does.
In my case, my husband paid the mortgage , the bills etc which allowed me the “freedom” to dispose of colossal sums of money year in, year out and as my salary was very good, I also had great borrowing power. All this enabled me to follow a path of financial destruction, not to mention the effect it had on my physical, spiritual, psychological and emotional well being.
But, gambling is a progressive disease and
COMPULSIVE GAMBLING ALWAYS ENDS IN TEARS.
It’s difficult for you to sit back, I know, and watch your husband self destructing. It would be far easier to turn a blind eye, (as many wives/husbands do) sweep all the damage under the proverbial carpet and borrow more money to cover his tracks and meet family needs. That is how the cycle of destruction continues. That is what I did and not only did I borrow on my own behalf, but I coerced my husband and many “weaker” members of my inner circle to “cough up” every time I needed funds to gamble. The need becomes insatiable.
In hindsight, the one thing that amazes me still, is that none of these “enablers” called a halt to my “madness”. Oh, yes, they sometimes quibbled, raised questions and muttered but the power of addiction silences even the strongest objector. When a CG needs money to gamble, we absolutely HAVE to have it and will stop at nothing to secure our demands. In the throes of action there is no way you can stop a CG from gambling.
This continues saecula saeculorum, until “something” changes.
That “something”in my case was the recession i.e. I was refused further credit from the banks and by then my needs/demands (and debts) were so great, that no “enabler” could bail me out.
Everything changed in my world from that point onwards.
Every gamblers’ story is different , but the outcome is always the same. Tears, despair and as the GA books describe “Prison, insanity or death”.
Yes, Roisin, in the course of my gambling , I have witnessed all three.
I’m guessing by your name that you could be Irish. Don’t let this statement threaten your anonymity though. Many GT members, including myself, use “stage” names. I just mention it to draw your attention to the GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS site, which runs groups for both gamblers and “victims”. If you need to speak to somebody on the phone you will find a listening ear there and you will be directed to Gamanon , should you care to attend a meeting with people wo are in a situation similar to your own and who will speak and understand your “language”. Give it a shot Roisin. Make the time. YOU deserve all the help you can get because CGs and their spouses very often suffer “breakdowns” which could be avoided when we are given the appropriate help and support.
STAY STRONG, one day at a time.
Never lose hope!
