Been a few days since I posted. I do though lurk on the forums pretty much daily. Paid half my rent will pay other half Friday night. Averted homelessness due to the kindness of the landlady. But next rent due Monday! So working flat out to get ahead on that.
I am aware more than ever one of the causes of my depression comes directly from when I gamble. Being here and wanting to quit is also about being honest with yourself and others I think. So this week felt good early on. First time in a long while apart from when I was away in Denmark. Slept well. Ate okay worked well. Then I gambled. Not a massive amount it was a few quid. I lost (I always loose ) but the feeling the comedown you would thought I would have lost a fortune. It messed up my sleep opened up all kinds of worry’s and I felt so mad at myself.
Those feelings were short lived as the amount was nominal but the feelings were intense. I self excluded immediately when I knew I was at risk of chasing or turning the whole thing into total disaster. But it is one of those eurika moments if that makes sense. I learned something more about myself.
Since then I am pushing forward again. No options to gamble online every single casino closed off. Sure new ones will always be appearing but I go for specific kinds of casino and software for my destructive and pointless fix. I feel strangely OKAY!
Meet with a woman I met for second time Sunday which in itself is a minor miracle. Is my confidence returning ? too early to tell …. let us see!