Bee,
Really well done on sharing and finding this website, please read and post as much as you can, it is frightening how some peoples stories are very similar, keep fighting and keep working hard, this addiction takes everything as I am sure we both well know, I am really sorry to hear of your troubled life and loss, I do understand how you would seek (peace/release) via gambling but it is only a short term fix (as we both also know) and after we have done what we have done the situation is 10 x worse!!!!
Wish you well and keep posting, take care and speak soon.
Maverick