Hi Everyone,
I relapsed and dropped some pretty heavy cash. I got depressed after my back surgery and just wanted to gamble. I was so happy not gambling for those 2 weeks. I gambled for 2 days and broke down and told my mom and her husband. She flipped out at first, as expected. She then finally went and read about gambling, she hadn’t done that yet even though I recommended it so she could understand the disease better. After a couple hours she came to me and told me she was supporting me and was willing to be patient. It made me feel pretty good to have her kind of understand. It gave me strength to have her in my corner. She has control of all my finances at the moment. I paid for and installed bet filter on my computer. I have excluded from every website I’ve gambled on. Went to a GA meeting on Wednesday and will go tonight. I’m doing everything I can to beat this horrible disease. I am very mad that I’ve done this to myself. I know the only way out of this life is to stop and repair the damage.
I just had back surgery for a compressed nerve. The nerve is not better. It is compressed even after the decompression surgery. This means that I will most likely have weakness problems in my leg for the rest of my life. This sucks! What it’s made me think about is that some things are just out of our control. But that other things are. I can control gambling unlike my hurt nerve. I can work the program and get better unlike my damaged nerve. I’m so tired of talking about being a gambler to everyone. The only way to stop is to stop.
I hate to admit that I relapsed yet again. I hate myself for doing it but I don;t want to continue to hate myself. I need to let it go and focus on my new plan for today and better myself.
3racer. I also felt suicidal this week. It’s crazy how my mood will swing from one minute to the next. Listen to this and tell me if it makes you feel better. I think it worked for me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKYcowQ3-Qw
Day 3 game the F back on.