I could have added relapse as an r too but I don’t intend to do that, although this Xmas I have spent money on a computer game compulsively but not gambled and on January 14th I will be 17 months gambling free. How has this last year been?
How has 2018 been?
As Laura will tell everyone I had a prolonged rock bottom with everything getting worse I think so I really got the message. I saw 2018 in in agony, alone in my bed. I was destitute and Pete brought in cigs and food daily. I could not afford alternative medicine which could have helped my conditions. I had been 4 months gf on New Year’s Eve but things did not get better until well into the spring. That is what my gambling addiction did to me. Told my gp I was suicidal pre Xmas. Threatened with committal to prison proceedings in two debt areas, one for council tax and the other for ignoring a ****** court judgment. Bailiffs ringing daily. No Xmas pressies for anyone which was first time ever. Lost my faith which I also had lost when in action. Had my 60th birthday and my son took me out for a hairdo which I had t done for nearly a year and a posh dinner. Did the gma programme from January through to July. I was so sick on the first residential I could only take part in some of it. I missed the second as I was working in what turned out to be a great temporary job.
So what has recovery brought me?
Recovery has been progressive. Not everything has gone well. I managed to get the bailiffs to stop and both prison proceedings stopped. Based on perceived vulnerability at the time. I stopped my home from being repossessed. Little steps at a time,
The temporary job in May which I really enjoyed doing as was in a lovely location, brought in much needed money. When it ended in July I went to a spa in Malaga, which actually wasn’t a great break as was alone in a German speaking remote spa. But it was ok. Three weeks later I went straight into another job where I still am. Pay a lot less than I am used to but it has brought some much needed stability into my life although it is very challenging.
Pete moved out at my request and my son moved in. We are making adjustments to the change and it is ok.
I made some resolutions last year. One was to recover my health and eradicate the ibs and gut infection I have had brought on solely initially by gsmbling and perpetuated by the financial stresses and certain foods. Through a combination of herbs and acupuncture I am not completely disabled by it, which I was. And have only had once attack on 29th December owing to overindulgence, the last one being end of October.
I have regained my faith which has been my strength and resilience throughout this year. I donate monthly to tbn, the Christian channel as I recognise and value the help my higher power has brought in this year.
One resolution was that I would have five figures in my bank account by the end of the year. This looked impossible as in March I was still destitute existing on meagre sanctioned benefits. But pre Xmas I just made that. Seemingly impossible but I made it. Diminished a lot post Xmas and with the holiday I am about to book.
I still see pete and spent a very pleasant evening together on 23rd December although he cannot come to my home. So a lot of huge improvements but a lot still to be done.
