Adam, I feel for your story. It is so similar to mine and I guess many others. It is the worst feeling in the world. Over 3 years of gambling (poke), quitting, relapsing, losing etc etc I have lost my life savings but more importantly my self respect. Now my busienss is in trouble, my marriage is over and I have to rebuild. I read so many blogs by ex gambler and they all say the same things. Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes, god knows I have. Over the last few weeks I have been deep in remorse for so many things, but that is gettng me nowhere. No one’s life is perfect, far from it, and we all —- up. I am trying now to move on, be kind to myself and rebuild what I have lost. My life will never be the same again, but hopefully now it will be better and so will yours.
Keep posting whenever you need – don’t keep thoughts in your head, it is much better to get them out. The great thing about this site is that you can then see what you wrote and where you were at a certain time.
All my love to you and yours.