I think one of the exciting things about recovery in the longer term is the (re) discovering of who I really am. For many years I was, “Steev the gambler.” Then for some more years I was “Steev the recovering gambler” and it is only recently that I have been working on a new identity for myself. Who am I really, especially who am I without gambling.
The only thing I can suggest is looking at what you were doing before gambling. What were you interests and dreams then? I had a very poor self-image and felt I didn’t deserve things for myself – but it was okay to put myself out for others. I’d always wanted to travel, but didn’t get on a plane until I was in my 30s and then I felt guilty about it.
Have a good think about how you want your new life to be. Counselling would be really good for this – a place to bounce ideas off someone who will be supportive and has no personal axe to grind.
I hope you have support in place, now you are coming home and I look forwards to further posts …