Been feeling low today. My ex text me again as I did not reply to his message about wanting his phone back. He text saying “I knew you wouldnt give me my phone back but now I want you to provide your bank details so I can give you the money needed for our daughter”.
He wants something from me.I dont respond. I put him out our home in August and he gave me no money for our daughter that month, or the next month and the child support agency told me they would be pursuing money from him on 1st Nov and if he failed to pay, they would go through his employer, Now all of a sudden he wants to give me money mmmmm.
I then get another text the following day saying “I am going to tell the CSA that you are with holding your bank details” Really, seriously, he is going to ‘tell on me’. I am ignoring the texts as its a few weeks away until the 1st Nov and if he really wants information about my bank details, then all he has to do is contact the CSA and they will get in touch with me. I continue to ignore him , I think I am doing well.
I am then on social media as my friend is on holiday and has asked me to see her photos. I then see a post from my ex husband saying he is at an airport in London going on holiday. I dont respond to any his posts either. The next day he has posted that he is in Barbados getting a sun tun. Now I am getting angry as I ask myself, where has he got the money? and he is off sick from his work yet seems to be doing ok. I wonder if his compensation money has came through. However, I still ignore him.
The next day I get another text and now I am suspicious that he is telling lies on social media that he is on holiday, when he is not. Why would he do that? That is just mad. Pretending you are at an airport, then pretending to be on holiday, yet things are not adding up as he is texting me, despite there being a 8 hour time distance and he must have a lot of credit on his phone to use it abroad. mmm. I even find myself going to a B+B that I think he is in, driving round the car park to see if his car is there. Oh why am I even doing this and why should I even care. Guess I am just trying to find out if he is still telling lies. Big serious ones at that.
No car and I tell myself, and remind myself, use your energy for much better things.
The next day, another text saying “I dont want to fight but please can you send me your bank details”I want to give our daughter money. Why because you have a sudden change of heart, because you are in recovery (but i think you are still lying) because the csa will call your work?
I am still not responding. I have got myself back to work yesterday and I was on top of the world. I was so happy to be back and of what I had achieved to get myself there and I did not want anything, well him, spoiling this.
So a happy day but then followed by a low one today as another text saying please can i have the details. I thought “if I dont respond then these texts will continue”. So I send the details required and he gives me an email of the standing order that he has set up with the bank. wow, he did that here in scotland,not from Barbados. My instinct was right.
I then receive a letter from one of his loan companies saying they are now going to send debt collectors to my home to recuperate their money or court action will be taken. I call the loan company and say he doesnt live here but I can provide his parents address and advise their letters are upsetting me (I was doing so well). The loan company say that without my ex husbands consent, letters cant be forwarded to his parents and could I contact my ex to get his permission for this. Em a big fat No. I come off the phone thinking his mess is still affecting me. I then have to get ready for work.
I have then ran around all day, straight in from work, kids tea, brownies, pet shop for ill cat, supermarket for bread and milk , walk the dog, back to brownies, bath, supper,kids bed and oh my tea eventually at 8.45 pm (sorry to tell you my boring day) but I get irritated that my ex has left me with this, that his addiction and selfish behaviour has left me to deal with this on my own, yet I then cry because I still love him and I miss him (the husband I had before the gambling addiction took him away). It really is mental how many emotions you can feel in a day . Guess I am just having a hard one.
Like velvet said, there are more ups and downs to experience and nobody said it would be easy to move on. I even found myself saying today that I could just take him back and support him and then it would be all ok.
I know it wouldnt be. This is the guy who threatened me last week, who has hurt and devastated my kids, who has made me feel like I cant get out of bed because the hurt is too big and I have belief that I deserve and my kids deserve so much better, Its just hard when , despite it all, you want the nightmare to be over, to wake up and someone to tell you that all this never happened, that it was all just a dream. Unfortunately though, this is reality.
Dont know where my positive thoughts have went today. I know i will get through this. I hope there is no need now for him to contact me. I have to keep moving on.
A quote from Marilyn Monroe ““Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together”
― Marilyn Monroe
I hope so.