Ive been in your shoes loads of times Ican, I’m not having a go. But as much as all you can do now is suffer, that was always going to be the outcome even before you went..what’s worse you planned it (mind you I think we always plan it no matter what b/s we tell ourselves and others). You’ve been using this forum a long time and proven time and time again you can do this, you can live without gambling and so can vera and everyone of us.
It puzzles me sometimes why we all think we can dish out good advice to the newbies and ignore the very very basic things, like having control of our atm cards. Not telling our friends we are a compulsive gambler, That sort of thing.
Whether you intend to start on day 1 or day whatever, I think you should employ some day 1 route 1 fundamental barriers Ican, do you really want to go through your whole life like this. Do whatever it takes to avoid gambling.