hi Kin & Charles,
thank you for your support and the encouraging words, it took me a week from resisting the heavy urges until I finally slipt, and as you know once you start you can’t stop.
Charles, you asked “How did you gt around your barriers? You “resisted gambling for a few days” what could you have done in those few days which would have meant you couldn’t gamble?
it all started once I got a consolidation loan, with some extra money to buy a car, it worked well for few days without urges, I closed the small loans, I bought a good Car. and I had some extra money after that. I put it in a savings account as an emergency fund. everything was fine then I got covid19 and I was in home isolation for 2 weeks after, during the isolation and having all this free time doing literally nothing this and the fact I have extra money ( money + free time) triggered my urges to trade crypto again, I was not able to silence the urges in my head. I have resisted for few days then I relapsed, I am really asking myself why I didn’t do any real “physical” measures during the resisting period to prevent myself from relapsing!! the only way to avoid relapsing was to get rid of that extra money. simply as that this is the only way. my barrier was to not have a credit or debit card without scratching the 3 digits in the back to avoid depositing money to any online broker. but now I found another way which is P2P you transfer the money from your bank account to another person and he will give you the crypto on the broker website, the broker will act as a 3rd party to ensure the transaction. so now I know it is only a 2 days gap between mentally slipping and doing the gambling act because it is only 2 days I need to open an account and complete the verification process.
I have two questions for myself:
1: could I have stopped before losing all the cash that I have access to? before the end of it I realized it is not going to end well but I continued till the last penny.
2: why I didn’t take any action in that period before the relapse, I knew it is gonna happen. I wrote it here in my posts. but I didn’t do any real action, I depended on my willpower and it let me down. as usual.
Kin, you wrote, “This time you are not starting from zero, you are starting from experience, you know more ways that do not work.”
this is exactly what I need to tell to myself because looking to it as a continuous failing or a hopeless situation is depressing.
and you are right i have more experience now.