Day# Zero again
I have lost faith in myself, it is just a matter of days, weeks, or months if I am really lucky before the next relapse.
now I back to zero, the rock is down the hill again and I have to push it again to the top…what a fucking life.
I have tried and tried but it always ends with relapse.
I was in isolation because I got covid and that triggered me I resisted gambling for few days then the boredom and the access to money led me to gamble again.
I don’t know what to say I don’t have the energy to do anything, no meaning to put a plan for the next few months and work to improve myself because it always ends here at day zero.
to be honest, I don’t feel depressed it is worst this time I feel defeated I feel no matter what I will do I will fail again, I have this numb feeling that you are just setting in the driver seat but you have no control over the car and finally, I surrender to whatever will happen because no matter what I am doing I can’t control it.