thanks Kin for your support.
I have relapsed mentally, but thanks to the barriers I didn’t relapse physically. I wrote many times in my previous posts that willpower alone will not work, willpower will let you down sometimes, today was one of those times. I kept resisting the urges for the last few days but it was piling up. I was saying NO NO NO many times but finally, I need to shut these voices in my head, and after few days of saying NO I finally surrendered and said Ok I will deposit a small amount. here the barriers played the role of a savior, I kept only one prepaid card not scratched so I can use it to pay bills it is mandatory, I knew it is difficult to use it to deposit money to the broker account but somehow because I didn’t try it before the urges kept coming then I surrender and tried it and fortunately, it didn’t work.
then I have tried another method and it didn’t work. after realizing that there is no way to deposit money in the broker account and to do it it will take a week or more to break the barriers, I surrendered and the urges faded away and I can say the storm is over.
I really wish that I could have won the battle with my willpower but I couldn’t. the result is more important, I didn’t gamble and this is enough.
sure I have to review and replan and do some additional steps but for now, I will celebrate because I have survived this time.