Three months have passed since I started this thread. And I did it. I downloaded an app on my phone which counts the days, and yesterday I got a notification that I haven’t gambled in 90 days now. It is paying off.. even though I was out of debt. I’m in a small debt again because I went on a holiday. I’m fine with that, next week I am out. My life feels so much more stable. My depression is already gone for a long time, and I also quit smoking weed AND cigs now for already 6 weeks. I’m addiction free at the moment, maybe only a Youtube/Netflix addiction but I am totally okay with that at the moment. Love is coming into my life again, I met a girl some time ago and we have a really nice time together. I’m starting to feel some butterflies in my stomach aswell. 🙂
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nI do however still have to deal with guilt. I might (almost) be out of debt on my bank account, but my student debt is at 35 000… every time I think about it it just hurts and could still cry. I am opening up more about my addiction to others.. first 2 months I was still ashamed. Now I told my friends how bad it was, where I gambled (like work etc) and how much I have actually lost. It feels good. Next step will be my parents, they have to know at some point. I know their reaction will be supportive but they will also be shcoked.. I will just wait with that for a while.
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nAnyways, I’m going in the right direction and still feel that I NEVER want to look back anymore. Ofcourse there are some urges sometimes, but now it is only down to 1-2 times a week. I can live with that.
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nI hope you are all doing fine! For those who just started: you can do it. Keep strong.. once you reach some milestones it feels amazing. Every little second counts!!
