Asdfghost,
What a tragically sad post to read. My heart hurts for you. The emptiness you feel, we have all felt before. The grass is greener on the other side – I promise.
You are in the depths of hell, where you’re at you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Focus your gaze.. there is a glimmer of light that’s trying to shine through.
Beating this addiction is not easy, if you want it bad enough, you can quit. I have been paying off 35k of debt from this nightmare. 18 months and I still have just under 5k to go. The thoughts of trying to gamble to win it back were fierce at one point. I will never let myself forget who I was and that version of myself.
Focus on finding the light. ❤️