January 22nd, 2026.
Day 0.
I just wasted $100 for no reason. You can congratulate me, because not anyone is *that* stupid.
When I say *that*, putting it in stars, I’m making a heavy emphasis on the fact of my stupidity.
First things first, I want to say that I started gambling again around 9-10 days ago, I won something back from the losses of the last year.
And that is why, exactly why, after a short break, I continued to gamble. Because I won.
Can you think of it like I do? “I won, so I need to gamble more”.
From the creators of: “I lost, so I need to gamble a lot more”.
I’m beyond repair.
Beyond curing.
Beyond any reasonable treatment.
I’m a lost soul. I lost myself, I lost any hope (if there ever was some), I lost all the time in this world when I could fix my life for the better.
It’s all gone, you see.
Now it’s full madness.
AND THE FUCKING GAMBLING IS NOT MY ONLY PROBLEM!!!
As awful as it can be, it’s not even on the first place.
It’s probably on the second one though.
It hurts me insanely bad.
It kills me.
It sucks the energy out of me.
As I’m writing this, my heart is beating, my hands are shaking and I want to…
I don’t know what I want to. I have no coherent thoughts in my mind right now.
Just emotions. And these emotions are making me want to hurt myself physically.
To beat myself up in a various of ways.
See you later, I’m gonna continue.
- This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by asdfghost.