I had depression when I was 27 and I cope with that using alcohol, food, work, sex, gambling and doctor prescribe drugs.
Before I realize what was happening to me, my acting out has already become a habit and addiction. I was not only depressed; my life was also falling apart very quickly in every area.
I have self-destructed. I destroyed my health, my family, my relationships, my career and my finance. I became mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually bankrupt.
Seeking help for my depression could not stop my addictions.
Getting help to stop my addictive behavior in one area saw me acting out in another area, it did not help my depression.
Should I cure my depression or my addiction first.
It was like the chicken and egg question, which come first?
30 years later, after countless attempts and failures; I finally found the answer, I was seeking, it was in the bible and the 12 steps.
One talk about God, another talk about Higher Power.
Both the Bible and the 12 steps act as my compass and give me a direction in life that I can follow.
Today I have managed to finally stop and stay stop in my self-destructive behaviors and the doctor feel that I do not need any medication for my depression.
It was very unthinkable for me but God’s mighty power has turned the impossible into possible for me.
God has help me to do something I could not do for myself.
Recovery was slow for me, it was one baby step at a time, one day at a time for that many years.
Everything happens in God’s timing, not mine.
My life used to feel like a hopeless end, now I see endless hope.
I have turn from a functioning addict into a normal functioning person.
I may not have much but they are enough for me by the grace and mercy of God.
Dear Heavenly Father,
You are my Savior and Lord, my Protector and Provider, my Counsellor and Teacher, my Comforter and Healer, You are an awesome God.
Isaiah 55:8-9:
You declare, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Psalm 119:105:
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path,”
Proverbs 3:5-6:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Father God, You are the Creator of the universe, maker of heaven and earth. You are the Potter, I am the clay. I am nothing without You.
Father God, remove any hardheartedness, self-righteousness and unbelief in me; make me humble, teachable and obedient.
John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Holy Spirit, fill me with more of You and less of me; help me to trust You more and trust me less;
My ways does not work, it always get me into trouble. Holy Spirit, guide me, and lead me to follow Your word and live by faith;
Holy Spirit, help me to stay focus and fix my eyes on You, help me to move closer to God like Peter, not away from God like Judas.
Holy Spirit, help me to walk away from distractions and temptations.
May the will of God be done, not mine in Jesus’s holy name I pray, amen.
Always work in progress
Last bet on 23 April 2024
Gamble free days: 637
One day at a time
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by kin.