I haven’t posted for a bit because of all the spam on here I found it frustrating to deal with as well. This forum is really important for me though and I need to stay in touch to be accountable because it doesn’t take long for me to slip into old thinking patterns. I’ve had a tremendous amount of stress recently and I’m also trying to work through a set of steps and doing a grief support group so it brings up alot of stuff constantly for me. My brain definitely goes to wanting to escape from all the feelings that those things are dredging up. Also I’m in a separation period from my partner till he receives more psychological help so its left me on my own for awhile which can be dangerous for me because I struggle with being alone to long and my mind will start to wander to much at home. Luckily I keep pretty busy but my downtime before bed is where I can start getting using thoughts sometimes because I’m uncomfortable or sad. I’ve managed to obstain from using substances or gambling luckily but it hasn’t been without a fight in my head that’s for sure. I just keep pushing myself to connect with others especially healthy people. I’ve become close with people who are geared towards self improvement. I’m still chipping away at my debt but I am getting out of the hole I dug myself into. I now have a really good savings that will cover a down payment for a morgage and some extra for maybe going back to school to change careers in a few years. Im working on a good project right now in my trade and have received a good raise so I dont want to switch careers just yet but I will eventually. My bodies taking a good beating being in the construction world and being a female I no its gonna kick my butt in my 40s so I’m glad that I’ve saved some cash to change careers once I hit that age. I just have to keep working a solid recovery program so I dont mess that up for myself but I have trust that I can.
