I can write down my problem in better details now:
the many layers of feeling;
the problem on the surface and the problem below the surface;
the few problems that hit me at the same time;
the problem that hit me one at a time one after another for a few straight days;
the many thoughts-intrusive thought, unwanted thought, obsessive thought, impulsive thought, compulsive thought, fearful and negative thought, the dreadful thought.
the uncontrol behaviors, the repetitive behaviors, the harmful behaviors, the impulsive behaviors, the compulsive behaviors.
In the past, I cannot do it.
I was under the influence of alcohol and gambling
I was not sober and my mind is not clear.
I was numb to everything and my wrongdoing.
I could not think, see and feel clearly, it was a mess.
It was all distorted.