Day 26
A weekend to be careful.
Saturday morning now. There is a bit of money in my bank account.
I have to admit now I have had urges to go and bet again. Have a win and there you go, set off again.
My partner is away on a trip this weekend and I am at a bit of a loose end.
Gamban is installed on my phone and that is a big thing. Without that I could easily fall into the old trap at this point.
I have also excluded from local bookmakers shops.
However it would still be possible for me to go to a local shop and buy lottery tickets and scratchcards and start a new spiral of decline. Jump a bus or drive to a nearby town to watch the racing this afternoon.
I have to make a plan for today and tomorrow. Keep occupied, stay strong, look after myself.
So I am targeting tonight first, Keep busy today, eat well, go for a walk, have a couple of beers and watch a movie with my son. Enjoy the present, the here and now.
Then to Sunday evening, try and relax, go for another walk, do some jobs around the house, a bit of reading. Thinking about when my partner returns and being able to greet her totally happily, not with a tinge of being distracted by a gambling loss.
During the weekend to look at my budget for the next month. I can get through if I am careful and I don’t gamble.
Next month I can hopefully do a bit better, put some money aside in a savings account, so it’s not instantly accessible, won’t be much (but it’s about rebuilding). If I don’t gamble.
The following month could be better again. If I don’t gamble.
Thinking very much about the consequences of that first bet. Teĺling the devil on my shoulder to shut up. I am not going back to hell, I am making my way out.
Stay strong, stay vigilant, enjoy the here and now. I can live ok, don’t have to spend much.
From the poem Invictus
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul
