I have tried for 17 years. The financial amendment and repairing of relationship only begin to happen in the last 9 years after I have found a Higher Power because I could not do it with my strength, knowledge and skill.
I have many dark secrets that sink me and kept me living in guilt until I made amendment to these people. I was freed in the process. Life was not perfect, just when I thought I can work them like a program or plan, I realized that I can never finish everything on my amendment list. I have to live with my imperfection, limitation, weakness and struggles for life.
Taking inventory helps me to see the progress made in the middle of all my failures, setback, struggles. It was not a hopeless end.
I did not stay gamble free all the time due to my fallenness, I can fail, and I was fallible. I no longer beat myself up like I always used to do. I have learned to pick myself up and try again. I put in the effort. I soon found myself walking on another street for 6 consecutive months this year before I drifted back to the same street. The longest I have stay gamble free was 12 consecutive months in a year… over the last 17 years.
I choose to focus on my half full glass and be grateful now. I do not stay in self- pity and self-beating as a result of my half empty glass. Success in some area has given me endless hope but it does not change the fact that I have my limitation, weakness and imperfections. I need to have a realistic expectation of what I can and cannot do.
I have to live with the thorn in my flesh and Thank God for the mercy and grace. I was walking in the wilderness because I was not ready, I did not learn my lessons, I remained disobedient and did not trust God completely due to my unbelief. The years in the wilderness help me to learn many lessons and prepare me for the good days ahead.
I continue to do things not pleasing to God. I was attracted to sin.
Help me Jesus, help me to follow You like a sheep follow the Sheperd,
You are my Saviour, You are my Lord
Help me Jesus, I pray in the name of the Holy Father, Holy son, Holy Spirit. Amen.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by notyoung56.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by notyoung56.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by notyoung56.