I haven’t wrote here for awhile. I’ve been focusing on my recovery outside of the forums. I’ve been struggling with my codepency issues and wanting to help everybody lately. I’ve had to remove alot of people out of my life in the last few weeks because it was waying on my mental health. I don’t have any thoughts of acting on addictions but I get roped into being miss fix it to much which is just another addict behavior of mine. The hard part about recovery is that we’re taught to do the 12 step and try to help other addicts that still suffer. But sometimes it goes to far for me and I have to take a step back to get myself grounded again with my own spirtuality and gain back my self worth. Writing on here always helped me and trying to help the others with what advice or support I could helps but I just needed a break to get myself back into a healthy mindset. I’m doing better now with learning boundaries and how to actually stick to them. That’s the hardest part is knowing when to say no and stop trying to help people that don’t want it or get it. Us addicts are stubborn,and selfish at the best of times and we hurt people like crazy when we’re in active addiction and even sometimes in recovery if we’re not working on the emotional sobriety aspect. I have to remeber to keep practicing gratitude and hope in my life. One man shared in a meeting I was at that the opposite of addiction is connection so I’m trying to find a way to allow myself to connect to healthy recovery people now. I was so focused on helping sick people that I started pulling away from the good people in recovery that have the things I strive for in myself. I have to remeber to stay in the light and not get pulled into the dark place of dancing with the devil. That means even staying away from active addicts no matter how much I care I have to stay detached and allow people to just come to me instead of me running to then and trying to rescue them. I’m a work in progress but I’m trying one day at a time. Just passed my 11 month mark of being gamble free so I’m really grateful for that today.
