Definitely gone through a wave of a million emotions this last week. From grieving and then letting go of toxic people that don’t belong in my life. I ended up going out on the weekend and went to my favorite dj to dance my pain out. I’ve mentioned before in posts that I was a dancer all my life so thats how I deal with my painful times. Unfortunately some of the places I go are dangerous areas for a recovering addict like myself because I go to raves and underground night clubs ect but I’m not tempted by substances its Unfortunately the people I meet that can be an issue sometimes. This is the next steps im going to be taking now that I’ve got the gambling, and my trauma issues out of the way. I’m going to start tackling my codependency problems which is huge for us addicts especially women like myself who’ve had a life like mine. Recovery has so many different layers to deal with and learning to navigate behaviors that can effect life long term is huge. I’ve always hated the term codependency because people are ment to help people but it gets to a point where it can make you sick and lose yourself doing it and that’s when it becomes unhealthy. Other than that I’m doing well in my work life I’ve taken on huge responsibilities now that I’m ticketed in my trade and I’ve noticed that all the guys I work with have taken me more seriously now as a journeymen. Before they had issues with me being the only women and used to knock me down because I’m not like a typical butch tradeswoman. Alot of the ones I’m friends with have said to me that I’m an issue because I’m attractive to them and a distraction lol I always say the same thing that it’s there problem because I can work just as fast and get done more than them at the best of times so if my looks are there problem then f them. Still doesn’t make sense to me but I think there just intimidated that I’m good at what I do and sometimes outshine them. Bruised egos if you will but again not my issue.Im not gonna beat myself with a shovel so that I can get respected more thats for sure. Anyways another day gamble free and substance free so it’s a good day.
