thank you Albuseverus for your support.
today is Day#21, this is the first milestone in my gambling recovery, the next will be 45 days, then 70, 90, and 188 days.
45days look easy to achieve but at the 70 days milestone, I will really have a sense of achievement because I didn’t reach that level for almost a year.
overall I have a tough week to go before receiving my salary, it is tough because this month I am living on 40% of my normal monthly budget because of the last relapse. I could ask friends to borrow some money to pass the next week, and at the end of the month I will pay it back, but I prefer to tough it up and survive with the little amount that I still have.
I haven’t borrowed money from friends and family for 3 or 4 years and I am not going to do it now.
aside from that, my next work carrier step is still foggy, and I really have an issue which is I am not productive as I should be at work, and that is really a painful thing for me because I am feeling that I am wasting my time, I don’t have the feeling of achievement and it is depressing to live my life this way.
the reason for that honestly I don’t know for sure but is either a one or a combination of all the below:
1. gambling addiction, no surprise.., but this should be for the period of the relapse and for a week or two after the relapse “until the withdrawal symptoms fade away”.
2. I started thinking that I have ADHD, and looking back at my life I guess yes I do have ADHD.
3. consequences of gambling addiction: depression, unmotivated, insecurity, anxiety…
4. maybe because I am overwhelmed with all the issues that I have to deal with because of years of addiction. all my peers are 10 years ahead of me in their personal lives and many are ahead in their work life.
5. also I think I had a bad career choice, I am more about technical and engineering work but because it pays less I have accepted project management work and I am stuck with it for the last 7 years or more. and at this stage, I am thinking it is difficult to change careers.
6. routine, I stayed for a long in the same company, usually I was changing jobs every two years, within the two years I am motivated to prove myself and to do the best work I can.
honestly, I don’t know the answer, and I know gambling and its consequences are part of the equation but I don’t think it is all about that.
I guess I should start with checking the ADHD part next month after receiving my salary and passing this tough week, but the career change or at least a job change is a hard step to take because of all the debts that I have it is a highly risky step.
any advice here!!