Day#36,
tomorrow is my payday, everything is arranged to avoid any temptation, and so far the recovery is going well.
a lot of work needs to be done, and it will take time to regain my life again. I did a mistake last time when I had 188+ days free of gambling and my debt was about to reach zero, after that I had 2 years of relapses. during that recovery period, I focused on recovering financially, counting GF days, physical health, friends, and relations “it is recovery from outside”. even from the outside, I did some mistakes. but what I didn’t focus on is to recover from the inside, recover mentally, to solve all my inner flaws and issues that caused me to gamble in the first place.
this time the decision to screw my credit score will give me a grace period of 2 years during this period I will not have sudden access to a large sum of money by loans or credits, the money will be saved gradually and I will have time to deal with it. and I will have enough time to recover from the inside and from the outside as well.
I wish I had understood this addiction deeply enough when I started my recovery trials years ago, but all that I can say is I am learning from my mistakes.