Last night I spend at my brother’s place with my 2 little nieces. I haven’t seen any of my family since covid. I felt like this was the best time for me to be here with those kids because I’m finally myself again. I didn’t have to put on a front to hide my addiction or depression. It was weird traveling and seeing my family without my ex but I’m managing. My sister in law asked me about how I was doing so I said honestly that I’ve been in trauma therapy since December. She said well that’s good you had to hit rock bottom to get there. I hated when she said that but I new it was the truth. She’s having issues with my brothers addictions to drugs and alcohol right now so she’s a bit bitter. I didn’t get into my brother’s stuff with him as I just wanted to spend what time I did have with him positively. We went out 4x4ing for a bit which is something we always had together and worked on his truck a bit. A part of me wants to fix him but I no I cant. He was telling me about just seeing our sister to and how her alcoholism has messed up her brain and her teeth are rotting out. It’s hard for me to here as my stepmom was saying they think my sisters going to die young from her alcoholism. And I no that to it’s just painful to watch my siblings struggling so much. I guess because ive been there with substances when I was younger but also knowing the pain I was in while I was gambling. My heart just explodes knowing they have to feel how I did. We all went through so much in our lives especially when we were growing up and it’s sad to see that as adults we all are still so screwed up. We’ll I’m trying to be better now. I guess all I can do is hope to be an example of recovery for them and show them its possible to get better with ALOT of help and hard work.
