Hi cruising247 I just read your posts I can relate with the not liking being around people. I do have alot of friends and recovery based relationships but I had to work hard at them because I like to self isolate alot. When I first got into addiction recovery in my early 20s I was so hesitant to let people in. I’ve never trusted anyone however I met these girls and a women that became my sponsor and they became family to me. The reason I’m still sober from drugs and alcohol is because of these people. I had to really learn to let people in and support me so I could stop finding solace in an addiction. When I starting gambling 2 years ago is when I was struggling hard I stopped calling people but also we were forced to isolate because of covid so my support network just went out the window. I didn’t try that hard either. I pushed everyone away because I was caught in the shame cycle of gambling. I always say when I stopped talking to others is when this addiction got worse. I needed the connection from others even if I didn’t want it. I think the reason I’m staying away from gambling now is because ive pushed myself back into seeing my friends all the time now and having a counselor, and recovery people in my life again. I tried to rely on my partner to much but he wasn’t capable of giving me what I needed support wise. We now aren’t together. The hard reality is really waking up and seeing that we need connection to others in some way shape or form to stay clean. This forum is good for talking to others and getting our thoughts out to but for me i need more than this to stay away from gambling. I no that if your anything like me alot of the reclusiveness comes from going through stuff alone as a kid maybe or at times in your life and it becomes a survival technique to stay in the shell so others can’t hurt you. My solace when I was young was hiding in my dogs house outside with her. To this day I have a dog and hes the only thing that can calm me. Us humans are scarey were unpredictable and it’s hard interacting with others when we’re super fragile ourselves. One thing that we as addicts have to remember is that there is other people that are on the reciprocating end of us to. Sometimes we put on rose colored glasses and just see what’s coming at us but we have to sometimes put ourselves in others shoes to see what were dishing out or acting like towards them as well. I feel your pain alot I no what your going through I’m in the same boat these days to with wondering how could i let this happen to myself but we made a mistake and we got to forgive ourselves. Wishing you all the best today
