[Kevsmt5]

Good evening everyone, firstly thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully this will not only help me as I go on to live a gambling free life but it also helps those who are wishing to admit to their gambling problem and to seek help.

 

So to start off this long story, ill begin when I was around 11 years old, I remember visiting a sea side resort with an a aunt and uncle, it was around the time that scratchcards first came out. My aunty and uncle would buy them and I am more than certain when Camalot first launched scratchcards that you won more and won more regularly to get people hooked into them.  I remember my aunt and Uncle would often win £10.00, fast forward to today and people are lucky to win £1.00

Anyway been in these sea side resorts I would also be in the arcades, often playing the 10p slot machines, when I was really young I put £1.00 into a change machine for 2p coins and I ran to my mam and dad thinking I had won all this money, when in fact it was just 50 2p coins.

Fast forward to around the age of 16 and I would often play the lottery and buy scratch cards, nothing extreme though, I started paid work at a young age and never really gambled at all.

I met a girl around the age of 23 and we ended up getting married, deep routed though were our spending habits, her on clothes and makeup and mine on gambling, I have also preferred gambling online and 95% of time on online slots. The marriage broke down, I would say mainly more fault for gambling issues, we both went bankrupt and I moved back to my parents. I went to a few sessions to get to the bottom of my gambling and thought I had it under control.

In hindsight it was a lot worse than I and other people thought and as I know now just going to a few sessions is not going to fix the issue, its about long term rehabilitation and life style changes, this is the only way to ever stop gambling on a permanent basis. I remember at the time my marriage ended I set up website to highlight the dangers of online gambling. I do wonder if its around somewhere to view still.

Ill fast forward again to around when I was 26, I had moved out of my parents, was not gambling and had my own flat and just started a new job after been made redundant from a previous job. I met a girl, fell in love and we got our own house of which we rented, again I was not gambling at this point, we then moved to my parents to save up for a house. At the time my bankruptcy was still on my credit file so my partner got mortgage in her name.

We moved to new house , it was at this point I started gambling again, I have no reason at all as to why this was, hopefully my sessions to come may find the triggers for this. This is when things become a little hazy. This could be due to just not wanting to confront it or just how it go out of control so much. I would find myself gambling on a daily basis at first it would be at bookies on my lunch at work, then it would be on the bus to work on my phone, or sitting in living room on a night why my partner read her magazines or watched her tv programs.

The issue I had is that I could not get credit, so when I was desperate I was taking out payday loans, trying juggle these up became too hard, I then started to take out debt in my partners names, this escalated and eventually when my credit file improved I started taking out my own debt, this went on and on for the thousands and thousands. I would take out loan to pay cards off, then just use cards again, all this without anyone knowledge. For some reason in my mind I was calculating how I would sort it all out.

Then came change of jobs and been able to work at home, this was the downfall in it all, been really good at my job I could get things done much quicker than others, this gave me time, so after months on been in local bookmakers then self excluding, then months online then self-excluding I found another way to gamble, I wont advise people on here what it is as don’t want others to fall into the trap I did, needless to says it’s not regulated as much as most online methods of gambling.

So after getting mountains in debt in my partners name , my name and spending all the savings, and even going into the bairns savings, I was staring at suicide, I had been so good for some reason to be able to hide it all, with family , friends and going out as a family on a weekend or away on holiday I would not gamble at all, in fact I would not even thing about it. It was like I was two different people, but with my partner wanting to sell the house to realise her dreams I was totally exhausted from it all. The devastation I was going to cause was not going to vanish into thin air. The sleepless nights I would have, the health issues I was having, I was just to much.

So just about a week ago I decided to come clean to my partner, or now ex partner. I moved back to my parents who have been so supportive and who really did not deserve this, to see my mother upset every day breaks my heart.

Its strange as I feel quite good, guilty, ashamed, disgusted yes, but I feel a lot better than 2 weeks ago. My parents are clearing my ex’s debt, of which really should not be the case, and I think if it was not for the fact I would end up in jail if not then I don’t think they would. I never missed any debt payments so hopefully when they are cleared my ex can move on with her life and get the dream house she has always wanted and always deserved. She feels like how 10 years were all a lie, partly yes the gambling was, the love I had/have for her was not, the memories, the holidays, our son, all them are memories I will always treasure, she is the mother of my only child and I will always love her. I don’t think it’s the money that’s the issue to everyone, I thinks it’s the shear deception, lies and trying to understand that is the hardest part. Oh and I have had an easting disorder for 7 years, but that’s for another day.

 

So that’s where I was and am now, what I have done so far to help myself and ensure I become a better person, a person to be trusted going forward. I will keep everyone updated as I go along and will be a regular on here and post when I can. To summarise this is what I have done so far:

 

·       Spoke with Gamcare and have session with NECA local counselling

·       Have a session with GP counselling

·       Attending GA meeting tomorrow

·       Opened bank account which does not allow gambling transactions

·       Passed over my credit file details to my parents

·       Signing up for a evening collage course

·       Getting more structure in my life, going to the office more

·       Registered to as many gambling addiction forums as possible

·       Shared this with close friends

·       Family getting support from NECA and hopefully will get an understanding of how a gambling addicts mind works.

·       Tidied myself up in general, shaved off beard, trying to appreciate myself again and my self worth

·       Going to start going running

 

It’s a long road ahead and this is just the start, an addict will always be an addict, be it a someone who is recovering from heroin, to someone who was a compulsive gambler, addiction can affect anyone, Its the first steps to recovery and ensuring that you always seek help for this addiction as it can easily come back.

For me it was not that things were just closing in on me, it was to make sure my ex-partner could realise her dreams as I could never have given her what she wanted the way I was. I just hope that when my son gets older he can forgive me for not been there to provide a family unit he deserves. When he is older and understands it all I will sit him down and explain what his dad did, the lives I destroyed. I will though sit down and ensure I make him proud and that’s ok to admit to your problems, it’s how you deal with them that matters.

[Berta24449787]

Thanks for sharing so much of your life with us and letting us know that it can run such a destructive path through ones life. I can’t say that I have considered myself lucky ever since realizing I had such a problem as well, but hearing g what you have been through and are coping with gives me hope. It is rock bottom for you and keep looking up for the light. It will come and if you relapse, don’t lose heart. Try again and again until you succeed.

[Steev]

That was quite a story and I am impressed with the steps you are taking to ensure your ”sobriety.” I decided early on to put as much effort into my recovery as I was putting into my gambling and that was a lot! I think I over did it at times (and that is another story) but it has paid off in the end and I have been several years gambling free on slots which were my downfall.

You will get lots and lots of advice over the next few weeks and you may find all this confusing and overwhelming. Try to chart your own path through this – it is YOUR recovery so take on what you think will work for you. Keep posting and talking to people about what is going on for you. It is when we keep things to ourselves that we are in danger. I wish you well.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Julkaisija]

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