[thedeviliknow]

Hi Folks. I love this site and find new strength from reading all the posts but I’m not ready to battle just yet.
I am a compulsive gambler addicted primarily to Casino Craps. I have struggled with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder most of my life. I became aware of my problem in my early teens. I have had no interest in other forms of gambling other than the occasional lottery ticket. I seem to think that the dice can be controlled to some extent if you practice enough. However, I have given the Casinos over $100,000 over the last 5 years. Sound familiar to anyone.
I started reading all the literature about responsible gambling and looking at all the questionnaires. "You may have a problem if":
Have you ever stayed at the Casino longer than you planned and lost more than you planned
Have you ever won a jackpot only to give it back in play
Have you ever borrowed money to gamble.   **** …They’re talkin’ about me.
Unfortunately I have a great job that channels my compulsions positively and I am financially rewarded but that doesn’t mean I’m not addicted just because I can absorb the losses. My buddy Jack "the sausage king" who owns a factory is hopelessly addicted to our game and could have probably purchased 2 or 3 homes with the money he’s lost. I know for a fact that he couldn’t stop gambling cold turkey for any extended period.
One very positive thing I have done currently is speak with my daughter about my gambling. She is now aware of the potential for further degeneration. As I’m learning this is a degenerative mental illness that needs to be checked. That concept freaks me out and after reading all the stories of carnage posted on this site it’s certainly a wake up call.
The other night the girls were talking about Christmas preparations and how were they going to afford it all. Later I was going out the door on the way to the casino with a wad of cash in my pocket and the girls were coming up the back stairs and a huge jolt of guilt came over me. I handed them all my gambling money and went for a coffee with a friend.
This site was instrumental in creating that impulse. I’ll be on and off reading as many stories as I can and hope that I can contain my urges in the short run.
There is an open GA meeting December 6 not too far from my place. I might stick my head in the door at 7:00– 3/7/2011 9:07:21 AM: post edited by TheDevilIKnow.

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