- This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 6 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
-
First of all, I would like to thank you, I’m much more calmer today than I was a few nights ago. I’ve found this website a few nights ago after I’ve just lost all my paycheck. It’s a huge relief (I don’t want to sound like that, but it is), a huge relief because I see there are many more people in my situation and the fact that I’m not alone. Today, yesterday, two nights ago, I’ve found all these stories and I could see a part of me in almost each story. All of us, most of us, we said it’s going to be “only this time, only once, never again”, we all said that we will gain, at some point, all the money back…some of us, did, but we we’re greedy so from bad, by losing just a small amount of money, we ended up by losing more than we could manage to lose. I’ve seen a few people which we’re saying that they would wake up and they we’re hoping that was just a dream, a nightmare (that’s another part of me), to be honest with you, I was in the same situation: I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION! Just because I’m speaking so much…calmer, that doesn’t mean that I’ve managed to quit the gambling, not at all, I’ve quitted the gambling just because I don’t have anymore money on my account, wouldn’t take me long to go and use my wife’s credit card and gamble again, but I’ve decided that I have to stop, especially after everything what I’ve just read here. You can’t imagine how much you’re all giving, first of all, you are helping yourself just because you are saying everything what you’ve been through to, so that’s a huge relief for yourself, and afterwards you are helping others to see that they are not alone (like me).
So… THANK YOU!
Now let’s start: I’m an addict, I didn’t want to accept it until a few days ago, I do accept it now.
I’m married with the most beautiful woman on this Earth, I’m 28 years old, I will be a father soon, my wife is pregnant and we will have a boy (gender scan done earlier, just because we wanted to know what clothes to buy for him/she)
I started to gamble when I was quite young, around 14-15 years old I think, just because I’ve had a friend which was working at a casino place I could bet there, I was going to pay the bills (because my dad and my mom we’re separated, that’s just another story, I won’t go there now, because I don’t feel like you want to read that…so, it’s no point of doing it), ended up by losing almost everysinglemoney I’ve got for the bills, when on a last turn, I’ve managed to gain everything back and I’ve said I will never do it again…young but wise, that’s how I see myself now so I just stopped and went to pay the bills, I was even with a bit of profit (not a lot), but I managed to stop…until a few years ago, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? Start with a small amount of money, let’s say 20-25 pounds, ending up by earning few hundreds, even thousands. I’ve started with 25 pounds on a bet, doubled up the money, ended up on roulette and won around 700, lost all of them the next couple of hours, ended up again by giving 250-500 back (one night), few days away for next paycheck, ended up by giving (after I’ve paid my bills) deposited again 50 pounds on a bet, doubled up, back to roulette, lost a little bit of them, go to slots machine, ending by winning 3k. GREAT! That’s the way of doing it, isn’t it? Slots machine, biggest ever lie in this life. So, of course, it took me only a few days to go back to them, I was telling myself I will manage to make enough money so I won’t have to go to work, never/ever again. What’s next? Same story like you, lost everything!
So, hard-worker, I’m working 12 hours shift/ a day, I’m usually working around 5 days/6 days a week, depends… I’ve got a 48hours contract/week but I always end up by picking extra-shifts. If I’m not picking any extra-shifts, I would have 5 days off every other week, anyways, last month I’ve lost all my money on my bank account (around 3k), I’ve started with a small amount (25 pounds), ended up by betting 900 on a game, which I’ve won so I’ve got around 2,5 k back, withdrawned them, but…afterwards I’ve canceled the withdrawn and I’ve ended up by spending all my money on slot machine on, guess what, 25 bet/spin. It didn’t take long, lost it in about what…5 minutes? Maybe 10?
That happend last month, right? I’ve managed to hide all this from my wife, I was acting all normal, I was thinking (on the back of my mind) that I will be able to gain all those loses back because if I wouldn’t go to the slots machines I would be only 500 short, so it wouldn’t be such a big thing to say…I’m 500 short or to say I’m 3k short, it’s different, isn’t it?! Anyways, I’ve just got paid on friday, this week I didn’t picked up any shifts so I would have 5 days off, that would mean that I would be off for a while. Sunday night, my favourite team was playing again, I’ve started with a small bet (again, 25 pounds), played on that they will win the first half…(it was 0-0). They would be expected to win this game, so they’ve had a small odd at the beggining of the game, since they didn’t score the first half, I knew that they would eventually score, even win at some point. It was second half now, the score was the same, the odd increased so I was there. I’ve ended up by depositing all my money which I’ve had on my card, 2200 and betting all of them on this on that game, after the bet, they’ve scored. I was happy. Just a few moments before, my wife took my cards because she saw me that I was watching this game and she saw that I was on the betting card so she checked what happend the last month on my card so she will know where all my money went off, because I was lying that I’ve spend some money to help out my cousin (I just didn’t know what else to lie).
SHE FOUND OUT! EVERYSINGLETHING! It was such a big relief in a way… I was saying to myself that I will win this bet and I will get those money back. I did win that bet, I did… So I’ve had 3900 in my account, I’ve withdrawned them, again, guess what? Benn there, done that! Ended up by cancelling the withdrawn and I was saying, I didn’t recover all the money back so I just need a couple of pounds back so I would not be in a lose anymore. Gambled on blackjack/slots/roulette, ended up by…you’re right, losing everything!
My wife said that she wants to divorce, my wife told me that I went upstairs in that night to search for her credit card so I can gamble more, I couldn’t find it so I went to sleep. Around 4 am, I woke up and first thing which I’ve did it was to go and check on my app my bank account, I’ve had 1.6 pounds left in my bank account, asked her what happend (because I was drunk on that night, as I’ve always been when I gambled or gambled in this kind of way), she told me everything, she told me that she wants to divorce, she said she won’t bring a child in this world with an alcoholic and gambler father. You know what?! She’s right! I wouldn’t do it, would you? I know you wouldn’t! She loves me, I love her, she knows that, I’m reaching out for help, but it’s a little bit tricky because, I wouldn’t go to a meeting, I don’t feel confident enough to do it, I wouldn’t go to a one-to-one meeting, because, again, I don’t feel confident enough to do it.
In that night I was sure that was the end for me… I said I would go and kill myself, actually I went down in the kitchen and looked for a knife so I would do it, but she came after me and took me back upstairs and said to quit all what I’m doing and she will give me a last chance, LAST CHANCE.
I might not be lucky to gamble, I might not be lucky on winning money, but…trust me, I’m a winner just because I still got a chance left. I’m a winner because I’ve got her and my boy. I’m a winner because I’m still breathing. I’m a winner because she came downstairs just to check on me what I’m doing and the fact she said that she will give me another chance, if she wouldn’t come down, trust me, on that manner, I would kill myself so I wouldn’t be able to relate all this story with you. I’m a winner, you are a winner, we are winners just because we are here. If you are reading this, you either have issues or you’ve had them. Trust me, you’re not alone…
I’ve had such a big help from Steev and vera on the support chat group, I’ve even said to them that I don’t think I could be brave enough to do it without them. I’ve been looking and searching for answers, stories on this site but I didn’t have the “balls” to write all this down, just because I was thinking it doesn’t make sense, at the end of it…I can see that I’m more ok by accepting that I have a problem and I need to solve it. I’ve read the most of them and I’m very happy that there are sites like these and we can seek for support and guidance about how to quit this endless carousel of loses, emotional states and suicidal thoughts.
I need to have a plan, I’ll start tomorrow by going back to GAMSTOP, I know I need it and I need to keep up with posting on my journal. If you are reading this, to be honest with you, I need your support as well and thank you because you’ve took time, from your personal time, just to read this…if you have a problem, never forget, you’re not alone, I’m not alone…worst case scenario? We’ve got each other! I can do it! You can do it! We can do it! As I found out from the support group:
“I won’t make any bet…today, just today” (repeat it everyday) or…you want to make a bet?! Make a bet with yourself and see if you can manage not to gamble anymore on any casinos, on-line sites, scratch cards, lottery or any other form which includes cash…if you win, you will see it at the end of the year in your bank account!
THANK YOU,
C.
-
Great post, Crhh.
Very honest and sincere. Glad to hear you found the input from Steev and myself helpful tonight.
We all need each other. Give and take.
Reading your opening post has helped me more than you will ever know.
God bless. Keep posting. -
You’re not alone! Literally, this site kept me from committing suicide! I had just returned home from the casino after losing the last of my money. I found this site and connected to some great, supportive people here.
Keep using the advice you’ve heard in chat. Everyone here is very supportive and we all care. It’s a struggle but we all deserve a,gamble free life. Take care. -
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
-
for sharing your story, your thoughts and your spirit! I’m glad Steev and Vera were able to help you when they did – you can always come to this forum for any kind of help whenever you need it, know that. I was caught by your uplifting and positive spirit, which was a nice change of things for me 🙂
I wish you and your family the best
BR Chris
-
-
-
I know it is easier said than done – but try not to think about your losses. The temptation is to chase them and that you MUST NOT do. Draw a line under them – put it down to the price you had to pay to find out about your addiction / way to recovery. Think of it as an investment! Many business people make serious losses and think of them as a learning experience – I think we need to do the same.
Similarly, you are not stupid. Most gamblers, in my experience, are brighter than average. It is just that we have an addiction which causes us to be out of control of one aspect of our behaviour. Once we realise that and know that we are unable to gamble – we can eliminate it from our lives.
I know that is easier said than done. I expect that you are feeling the early withdrawal symptoms and need to work through them. Take good care of yourself and speak to people if you need to. There are the groups here (where we “met,” and also 1-2-1. Did you get anywhere with counselling through GAMCARE? I think they also have a help-line if you need back up.
It is good to see you reaching out again through the forum and I am sure others will comment and encourage you in your recovery. I wish you well.
-
-
Congrats on the arrival of your baby.
Wonderful news .
No more gambling for you!
Well done!
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.