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I have been a casual gambler for about 15 years. Pretty much since it was legal. I live in Australia and signed up to this forum because it was the first one i came across and the format looked suitable for me. Over the last year I have lost about 20k AUD. I had plans to buy an apartment at the end of the year but my savings have gone backwards in the last 6 months. The chase started for me about a year ago after 2 big wins. 1 was a first try scorer where i won 2500 and the other on the pokie machines where i won 3000. I got the free spins on the gold machine (hence the username). Most people would be familiar with it. You get 3 sticks of dynamite and the machine goes yeeeeeeeehaaaaaaa. I had a good run late last year which included a jackpot of 8k. This was the worst thing that could’ve happened. It immediately put me in a situation where small wins weren’t enough anymore. I had a few occasions where i won 1 or 2 thousand and it was all gone again in the same day or week. I asked myself earlier this year why I kept going back. The fun factor was gone. I did get some enjoyment out of trying different machines. I justified it to myself by saying i just wanted that big jackpot. You know. 20k to allow me to get back on track. It wasn’t happening. I set a deadline to give up in February, then March and then it slipped to May. By the end of June i said enough is enough. I closed my sporting account with the option of never reopening it. The site asks you to confirm you want to close it forever 6 or 7 times. Then it is gone. The temptation of the machines was too much though. I lasted 13 days and I was back again. Eating into my savings. I thought I could hide my problem from everyone and fix it myself. I mean after all. I have given up other bad habits like smoking in the past. Yesterday I broke down and told my girlfriend. She knew there was an issue and was well prepared. She just didn’t know what this issue was yet. I arrived at her place and she had prepared an amazing breakfast. I felt like such a piece of shit. I didn’t deserve it. I broke down and cried and after 3 guesses she had picked what was the problem. She took it ok to start with. Then it had time to sink in and she realised I had been deceiving her. It’s going to take time to build that trust back. I feel so bad because she is an amazing woman. There are no excuses now. No exceptions. She has agreed to help me with my budget and I have agreed to be totally transparent with my money. I am glad she is prepared to help me through this problem. This is the beginning and I need to get my shit together now.
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Hello The Gold and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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I can totally relate to this, the pattern goes;
You lose -> You keep betting -> You win -> It’s not enough
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Brave step telling your girlfriend,
Its not an easy thing to do. I’m glad you have found this site, I found it over 8 years ago and it has been a true lifeline for me.
Having your girlfriend help you with your finances will really make a difference. Being accountable to someone will actually give you a bit of breathing space.
Pokies are also my poison…..and like you I started off with a bit of fun that spiralled into a nightmare.
Take all the help you can get, keep reading and posting, maybe a GA meeting, join the groups here, it all helps you work towards recovery.
I wish you all the best and look forward to reading more from you.
Love K xx -
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Hi TG
I look forward to the time when you regain that special part of you and sleep in the king size bed. I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know you can control your addiction. It takes courage and determination but I have seen it many times.
Never give up and keep posting
Velvet -
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I just finished vegemite on toast for breakfast! Delish!!!!
I’m glad you told your mum, it is so hard for others to understand, you need to remember that. People say, well, just stop!!!!
If it was that easy there would be no need for this site!!!!!!!
I am just wondering about your pay. Do you have easy access to that money? The start of recovery is always the hardest, and ensuring you cant have access to cash can really help. No money = no gambling.
Maybe you could ask your mum to help if you feel that its too tempting, give her your keycard, ask her to give you a small daily allowance and have no access to your money? Just a thought.
Exercise is great, not only does it keep you busy but it gets your endorphins going to give you a little exercise ‘high’. Anything is better than nothing and we all have to start somewhere so push ups are brilliant!!! (I doubt I could do 1!!!)
You have a great day,
Love K xx -
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Heres how I see it.
You will never beat this problem forever. Not unless you work recovery every day.
I gave all access to money to my husband, if I needed to buy something and I used the card I would bring home the receipt to prove what I spent.
Sounds childish I know. It was MY decision to do this because I knew I couldn’t trust myself with access to our money.
I had been the bill payer in the house, the ‘money’ person. It was difficult for my husband, after all, I had just told him about our gambling debt (we had to sell our house), then, I gave him all the responsibility. But I simply could not do it and in truth, I didn’t want to.
Fast forward about a year, I got my keycard back (still made myself accountable for all I spent) and now I’m back controlling the finances. It took time, but I did it for me. I didn’t want to think about money. I had excluded so I couldn’t go and gamble, I took away every resource I had to gamble, and I work my recovery.
Why do you feel the need to prove yourself right now?
Why give yourself any opportunity to fall back.
Time is what is needed, to rebuild your life, to start living, and gambling will no longer play that role it once did. Doesn’t mean that it ever goes away. I think, for me, it just becomes easier to deal with those little urges.
In the end, its your recovery. This is what worked for me and I am grateful every single day.
Whatever you decide, you are always supported!
Have a great evening,
Love K xx -
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