[i am hope]

Hi everyone
Starting again. No counting days for me this time it is a definate trigger for me i have realized. What can i say. Not much really on this one, had my worst relapse to date. I am pretty shaken up by this one, there was no fun in it, it was just mental torture really and a huge waste of money and time and sanity. I have the gambling hangover good and proper and its something i just have to get through. Not proud of myself at all. In fact i am totally disgusted with myself that i did this again but really i can do nothing about what has happened, i can only do something about today which i have chosen to do. I went back to GA and it was such a huge relief to me again to be in those rooms. Everyone were supportive, no one judged, they all offered encouragement and friendship. I think of my life before i gambled, how simple it was really, how it wasnt over run with addiction. There was no internal fight, sure i was challenged emotionally, i have some psychiatric probs but hey it was nothing compared to what this addiction is. The surest way to an asylum is this addiction for me. I dont want to wind up there, or worse. The comparison of the time gamble free and the gambling time is no comparison, life is so different, sure there are horrible urges but they are nothing compared to the nightmare i just went through, i simply could not stop once i started and this i will remember. Once i start i cannot stop so i cant start. Not one dollar. That one dollar will lead me down a very sad and destructive road. So once more, out come the boxing gloves. ive missed you all
Living with Hope

[reds]

Happy New Year Hope –
I for one appreciate your posts because at one time I thought you were leaving this site forever.  You gave us a good scare but without any reservations I am so glad you are back..
You have played a part in my recovery and I hope to hear from you for many years to come . x
reds.Just for today, I will not gamble away my time, freedom or peace of mind.

[bettie]

Hi Hope,
Happy New Year my buddy!
4 more hours of 2011 left here. In some ways I won’t miss this year at all.
peace
bettie

[gracephnx]

Hi Hope, I’ve just read your whole thread (this one) and girl, I am so wishing you positive thoughts and strength and wisdom. When I read your thread, it was like reading my own mind – we are going this journey together, my soon-to-be friend…and I see, like me, you are spring cleaning. Maybe we can sweep the cobwebs out of our hearts and minds, and vacuum up all the detritus left in our heads as well! And like the house, maybe we can’t do it all in one day, as it is exhausting, distressing, and very messy along the way. Happy new year.gracephnx

[caron]

Hi Hope   Happy New Year.  15 min till new year here.  I am grateful for this past year.  It is the year I came to my senses and stopped the madness.  I am looking forward to the year ahead.  Thanks for thinking of me. 

[sunny123]

***** hope!! happy new year to you.. good to see that you are making steady progress.. like you.. i think in the end i should be grateful that in 2011 i came to my senses.. but overall it is the year which brought so many problems in my life.. i want 2012 to be a year which will wipe out all my feeling of guilt and shame by becoming a good human being and a good dad..tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

[pumkin113b]

Happy New Year (((((((Hope)))))))    Pumkin

[i am hope]

Awwww GT i was so happy to see such lovely posts this morning, thank you!!! Well Christmas is over, New years is over and it is now 2nd January and i feel kind of relieved. Having a cuppa this morning, didnt quite make getting all done by 2012 but got about 3/4 of all of it done. Starting on the lists again, making a list each morning of what to do because if i do it seems to get done more often than if i just have a mental list in my head.
Nice to come here and be gamble free today, working very hard at it. Doing lots of meetings, coming here lots, really trying to get myself to move forward and it is coming together slowly in little baby steps. Learning to be happy with baby steps today. Thanks again for all the replies makes my heart all mushy today!!!
Living with Hope

[i am hope]

Having a glass of wine and feeling like a bit of a calm marshmallow right now. Only time of year i seem to drink is this time of year!! I feel good not to be gambling. I feel like part of me is coming to life again
Living with Hope

[sunny123]

good morning hope!!! like you i also keep going through different emotions through out the days and then the turmoil in my family life adds to it.. i always try to teach myself that things will settle down .. but may be due to being a CG, i get very impatient.. and want to rush things.. rather than wait for them.. this is one thing.. which i need to work on.. to have some patience in life.. we have bank holiday here today.. do you get a holiday today down under.. for a change.. it is sunny outside..tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

[cat438]

Hi (((Hope))) Happy New Year and thanks for the post… I am back on the recovery wagaon again so I needed to get my head back – if you know what I mean.  I am so glad to see that you are doing well now and taking it one day at a time.  I think that we just have to continue on our journey of recovery and take it one day at a time.  Wishing you a day free of gambling.One day at a time my sweet lord…

[pumkin113b]

Hey ((Hope)) — Thinking of you and wishing you a great day    Pumkin

[Autor]

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